Feb 22, 2010

Filed Under "Think Before You Speak"

I don't know if any of you have noticed, but I talk a lot of smack.

If you didn't notice, you're not paying attention.

Perhaps I was on a high from surviving the recent avalanche of holidays, but last week I heard myself say-- out loud-- that when (Yes, when!) I get 500 subscribers I'll buy myself a new computer. It didn't seem like such a big number until I realized I've been blogging for months and only reached 22.

478 subscribers to go.

Any of you got friends that need new random rants to read?

It's not that I can't just go over to Best Buy right now and pick up that pretty pink Dell I've been eyeballing. It's just that, it doesn't make sense to do such a thing. My current laptop works just fine, if not a little slow and probably riddled with more viruses than Mr Burns. This laptop has been with me through two apartments in Philadelphia, two in Jersey and this house in Louisiana. It's been packed up, dropped, had the "T" key pulled off by a toddler, and subject to the fevered typing of many angry blogs and e-mails. There's a brown stain on the keyboard-- evidence of countless trips to free wi-fi coffee shops and cafes-- and a worn out sticker that I thought was clever for all of ten minutes a year ago on the back.

The thing is, I know it's desperately time for an upgrade. Parting with ol' Lappy T. is the technological equivalent of breaking up a relationship that you know has run its course. Of course there are better, more attractive, more exciting and new fish in the sea, but none of them are the fish you know so well.

Sure, when I come home every afternoon I have to turn my laptop on then go kill time for 15 minutes while it boots up only to hopelessly freeze on me ten minutes into reading my e-mail (Three times yesterday!), but...

All my favorite pictures are on here and I'm too lazy to transfer them to disk.

So, perhaps I was deliberately putting off replacing Lappy a little longer when I made my grand declaration of readership. Or maybe I'm just so arrogant I really think I'm that good. Either way, despite the fact that I can buy a new laptop whenever I want, I'm standing by my word.

As long as Lappy T stands by me.

Scientists from the RAND corporation have created this model to illustrate how a "home computer" could look like in the year 2004. However, the needed technology will not be economically feasible for the average home. Also scientists readily admit that the computer will require not yet invented technology to actually work, but 50 years from now scientific progress is expected to solve these problems. With teletype interface and Fortran language, the computer will be easy to use.

WTF is the big steering wheel for?


Amanda said...

HA!! Big steering wheel. That's awesome. That reminds me of the Spaceship Earth ride at EPCOT that has a diorama of the first computer, and they have this one animatronic that has these rockin' hooker boots and a fro. she's the most stylish prostitute/NASA engineer ever.

You'll get there eventually. I had 14 followers for ages and then suddenly started getting more. i found that the more I commented on others blogs, the more subscribers I got!

Em Static said...

Can you believe I've never been to Disney or EPCOT in my life?

As long as people are commenting because they're actually reading the blog instead of just looking for more comments themselves I don't mind. I hate when someone leaves some arbitrary comment that I just KNOW means they read all of three words in the blog. I only comment what I actually read. Otherwise it seems insincere, ya know?

At 100 subscribers I'm buying the domain. Seems like a smaller, less overwhelming goal.

Anonymous said...

Just buy the damn thing.

Leiah said...

My mawmaw had a Christmas wreath she hung on her door every year made out of those old computer punch cards that were folded to a point, stapled on a form, and painted gold to look like one big poinsettia. My uncle worked at NASA and brought them home from work and his wife made it. I wonder if it's still in her attic? I'll let you know if I find it. And don't fret about followers. I've being doing this for over a year now and only just got to!

Monique-aka-Surferwife23 said...

What?! Your laptop does NOT have a steering wheel? You're missing out.

Charlotte said...

Hello! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog--and I will subscribe to your to get you closer to your goal of a brand-new computer!

I recently shelled out some dough to get a new one (after my mac protested my every simple command) so now I have two in my apartment. A new PC (which I'm still learning to operate) and a mac, which contains all my music and photos and has become a tabletop/coaster of sorts.

Also, greetings from Hoboken, NJ--I see you're also a Jerseygirl :)

Stacy said...

That's exactly what MY home computer looks like. Yours is different? Maybe i should upgrade as well.

Last night I thought of you. There is new show on the Style Channel coming up soon called Jerseylicious or something like that. Looked kinda funny, kinda trashy, and extremely Jersey!

Em Static said...

Noooo! We don't get the Style network here! :(

Hopefully I can watch online.

Suzanne Westover said...

Make that 477! Totally LOVE this. Hilarious. Adding you to my blog roll. There are not enough kick-ass (can I say ass,oh, wait, we're not on NBC, so yes, yes I can) funny bloggers out there!

And thanks for finding me on THIRTY. I too am deluded about numbers. Though, at this point, I'd settle for 500 - minus one zero.


Love it.

Chicken said...

I think the steering wheel is for bling. You know like the rhinestone cases girls get for their cell phones? No real purpose other than something eye catching and shiny. I think I would get serious eye strain if I had to turn my neck at that angle to see the black and white television monitor thingy.

Katie said...

omg - I totally love the pic of the computer and quite possibly the caption even more.
Regarding a new computer: my three year old laptop totally shit the bed before my lazy butt could back up all the information/pictures/music, etc. off of it. That hurt more than shelling out more $$ for a new one...

Curvy Jones said...

I'm following!!!! :D

I love unnecessary electronics purchases! DOOO IIIITTT! And you know what, I bought my new 'puter when my old one was working just fine and then one day old computer went tits up. THANK GOODness I had the new one. And then when I spilled a can of Sprite in the keyboard of new one, thank goodness I am a tech junkie and had bought one of those minis for no reason at all.

I say GO DO IT! But if you need a reason, 500 followers is a good one!

Curvy Jones said...

And that steering wheel is hilarious.

Homesick Cajun said...

Hey Hun! I have an award for you in my blog if you'd like to come by and pick it up!

Jenny Brown said...'re too funny! 3rd post I've read of yours and like I said - I'm hooked.......I'm now your latest follower (you're well on your way to patient - altho 500 is a lot of followers, you know..........) Maybe you should JUST go out and buy the new laptop..........(I'm still laughing from post 1 and 2, by the way).....I'm glad I found you!