Apr 14, 2010

Magic All Up In This Bitch!

I can’t just leave this as another Wordless Wednesday post.  Honestly?  It’s more of a “Speechless Wednesday” type thing.

I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised at all by the existence of this song.  Clearly this is a case of a band earning enough money to start their own record label, therefore cutting out the man in charge who may go “Hey, guys… Perhaps this isn’t your best idea.”  Sometimes artistic freedom isn’t necessarily a good thing.  Especially when you just know this band’s legion of brainless followers are listening—declaring they know exactly what these people are talking about.

Case in point, this gem:

I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it's all astounding
Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed


I would accept this line of thinking from say, an ancient tribe of indigenous peoples ala “The Gods Must Be Crazy” or perhaps from a caveman frozen in ice these last few millennia.  However, over the centuries there are people who have successfully cracked the code and figured out just how a magnet works.  Something about electrons and certain kinds of alloy. Ionic something or other…  Don’t ask me to spell it out for you, but I know the explanation is out there.

But then again, we can’t trust science.  Those motherfuckers are all liars anyway.  Once again, the profound thinking of a pair of men in cheap carnival gear has set the record straight.  They’re all liars.  Not only do they lie to us about magnets, but also about what causes a rainbow after the rain.  And let’s not forget the conundrum of long-neck giraffes. 

How them bitches grow they neck so long, yo?

Also, it isn’t genetics or DNA that causes a child to take on the appearance of the parent.  It’s mothafucken magic.

Last week I declared there’s nothing worse in this world than an intelligent stoner.  You know the type: He gets real high and waxes philosophic about the nature of reality, the impending computer revolts and the likelihood of a 2012 Armageddon.  I always hated these people back when I was a stoner myself.  All I wanted to do was eat potato chips and watch cartoons, and they wanted to discuss the relevance of Nietzschean Philosophy in our modern times.

Total. Buzzkill.

But I’d rather endure hours of that than the droning of a wannabe-smart stoner, as these people clearly are.  Wannabe-smart people say things like:

Music is all magic
You can't even hold it
it's just there in the air
Pure motherfucking magic Right?
This shit'll blow your fucking mind

Um… Yeah.


Katie said...

I'm at work and having some frustrating interactions with students (ie: the test is TODAY?!?!? Oh.) and I decide to cruise some blogs and yours is the first one I come across. I laughed and laughed so hard people were peeking their heads into my office to see what hilarity was ensuing.
This is some funny shit. When the ICP comes to town their fans wait for at least two days outside the venue to get a good spot, then there's something with orange soda that they spray all over each other. Maybe next time I see them I should ask how all that carbonation works.
love it.

Chicken said...

I heard this song the other day, and I thought I misheard the magnet lyric. Sadly you've proven that I heard correctly.

Natacha said...

Sometimes I wonder "what were these people thinking??" ... maybe I am too old to be tuned into this stuff anymore?

Homesick Cajun said...

You should here their "bugs on my nuts song!" *shakes head* Girl...when I was a stoner all I wanted was music videos and peanut m-n-m's! My ex used to have this friend that would try to explain the Bible to us when we'd somke! Lil' bastard would drive me nuts!! haha