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Mar 11, 2010

I'll Bet Chuck Mangione Does Not Use a Kindle.

Hey, have you noticed that…

*text notification sound*

Hang on, I have a text message.

From Man To MeI just saw the most incredible thing.

From Me To Man: Whazzat?

From Man To MeSomeone TALKING on an iphone!

From Me To Man: Ew!  How uncool.  They should be playing games and updating Twitter, not TALKING!  How three years ago!

Because, seriously?  Who actually talks on the phone anymore? I don’t even know why we bother calling them “phones” when clearly they’re pocket-sized-futuristic-communicator-device-thingies.  Honestly, I haven’t heard my phone ring since that time one of my co-workers got tanked and they called me to cover her shift.

Touch of the flu my ass.  The Tequila-Flu maybe!

The phone thing reminded me of an article I saw on The Onion.  The headline read 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles. 

“A new report published this week by researchers at Stanford University suggests that Americans spend the vast majority of each day staring at, interacting with, and deriving satisfaction from glowing rectangles.

"From the moment they wake up in the morning, to the moment they lose consciousness at night, Americans are in near-constant visual contact with bright, pulsating rectangles," said Dr. Richard Menken, lead author of the report, looking up briefly from the gleaming quadrangle that sits on his desk. "In fact, it's hard to find a single minute during which the American public is not completely captivated by these shining…these dazzling…."

"I'm sorry," Menken continued. "What were we discussing again?"

Ah, you chuckle, but how much of your day do you spend with your face stuck in your computer, television, ipod, and pocket-sized-futuristic-communicator-devices?  That says nothing about the fact that I’m pretty sure if the internet were to shut down—even for a day—I might actually cease to be.

And now?  Now we have The Kindle.  Or, as I call it, the ipod for book nerds.

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On first sight, I wanted one.  Mostly because I have an unhealthy love-affair with all things gadget.  I’m a marketing executive’s wet dream when it comes to things like this.  Especially when I discovered I could own one of these fun things in the same shiny purple as my laptop and ipod.

Then I saw the price and nearly choked on my Caramel Macchiato! (Also known as a “Varamel”  at The French Press my friend Rachel and I discovered last Sunday night.)  ((Yes, I have actual organic friends… Well, two actual organic friends.))

I don’t know that I’ve spent $500 on books all year, let alone shelling out the cost of my laptop for yet another glowing rectangle that will—in all honesty—become just another thing weighing down my already overstuffed purse.  Then I’ve got to pay for the books, too?

Thanks, but no.

Frankly, I like my books.  I like the pretty art on the covers, and I enjoy the way they look on the shelf.  A person’s book shelf says a lot about who they are.  Examining someone’s bookshelf while they’re making coffee in the next room isn’t nearly as creepy as picking up and digging through their Kindle in the hopes that they don’t emerge from the next room and thus create one of those awkward “Um… What are you doing?” moments.

However, I don’t want to become the paperback equivalent of vinyl collectors.  You know who I mean.  You walk into their apartment and are treated to the sight (and smell) of shelf upon shelf of dusty old record albums.  Then they give you a speech about the superiority of vinyl over the nine thousand better ways modern technology has invented for us to listen to music.  Then, if you haven’t poked your ears out with the splintered pair of take-out chopsticks these people always have rotting in their sink (no doubt from a vegan take-out place), they’ll shuffle through every album and force you to listen to scratchy, staticy old jazz that nobody ever heard of but that guy and his two friends.

Ugh.  How many times did I find myself trapped at some after-hours party in someone’s grubby Philadelphia apartment thinking: The free drugs just weren’t worth this?

I mean, Chuck Mangione?  Seriously?  I’m going home.

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13 comments:

Curvy Jones said...

I think the best of both worlds is books you don't mind having on a Kindle and books you MUST hold in your hands. I love love love the feel of a book. What I love more is being out at dinner and having 56 books to choose from, all of which I am currently reading.

Wait... maybe having them all at my fingertips isn't such a good thing????

I love my glowing rectangles. MY BABIES!

amyblam said...

I actually now become irritated when people call me. It seems like such a waste of time-there is nothing that can't be handled by text or email. If you want to talk to me, let's meet for a drink.
I will say I was VERY anti-kindle. I loved books, the feel, the smell. I would make notes in them, draft blog ideas in covers, write phone numbers-anything and everything.
But then I got a bunch of amazon gift cards and bought a kindle. Mine was $249? I didn't get the ginormous one. I ADORE it. It's lightweight and you can have 1,000 books with you at any time. Plus, I loathe hardback books-they are too cumbersome in bed.
My kindle, despite threatening to beat someone with it in the Atlanta airport, has actually saved approximately 10 lives in the 2 months I've had it.
I no longer have to deal with idiots-I slip it out of my purse and read wherever I am.

Genevieve said...

Dropping by from SITS! Awesome blog girl! Great Kindle post too! Love it! Come say hey!

Suzanne Westover said...

I just don't know about the Kindle. I feel kind of the same towards twitter. I just, I feel that if I don't retain some tiny island safe from square rectangles of light, I may just get swallowed hole. This is a concern. I keeps me up at night, um, as I Google for solutions.

Writing Without Periods! said...

I use my Kindle for travel...it saves a ton of space, but I hear what you're saying.
Mary

Chicken said...

I agree with you. Now I cannot live without my blackberry or ipod, but I will not purchase the kindle. Then again I am the sort of person that prefers having the newspaper delivered instead of reading news online.

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

I'm almost embarassed to say this but...we have text messaging blocked on our phones, no Internet, nada...we have Nextels...old school, walkie talkies...yeah, we're cool, we know it.

Linda said...

My hubby calls my iPhone my lover because I can't keep my hands off it. As for my Kindle....not quite my liver but definitely good for a little something on the side.

Life with Kaishon said...

What a great post. I am not enamored with the kindle either. I tried to like them, but I just can't. Give me a real book any day!

Jay said...

I haven't seen a Kindle up close and in person yet. They seem pretty cool, but it just isn't the same as holding a book. I'm pretty sure of that.

I'm not addicted to the computer all. When I wake up at 3:30 am to use the bathroom, I stop on my way back to bed to check my email, blog comments, facebook and twitter simply because I want too. Not obsessed with it at all. Nope. Not me. ;-)

Amanda said...

I have to admit, I'm totally addicted to my phone and I don't even have a really cool one. It's just a full keyboard text phone. I NEVER talk on it. I talk to Kelsey (hubby) and that's it. I use it almost always for text, and "vext" as my friend calls it (video texts). I will check my phone at night when I'm up to goto the bathroom. I check it during meetings. It's an illness.

However, I'm not sold on the Kindle. I'm an old school book reader...something about that little book in your hands that an electronic device can't touch!

Stacy said...

And that's why I am proud to be a card carrying member of the local library! Free books! Well, except if (when) I forget to return them and have to pay a small (huge) fine.

hotpants™ said...

I don't have a Kindle, but I do have a Nook. I love it. I also love my Droid phone. Glowing rectangles are THE SHIT!