Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner. Someone Really Should.

Let me show you something…

That’s a picture of my “desk.”  A folding table pulled up to the edge of our bed.  So when I point to the bed and tell company “This is where the magic happens.” what I mean is my intellectual magic.  Unless, of course, Netflix has sent us a movie.  Then my computer ends up on the bed and my “desk” becomes an eating-in-front-of-the-tv table.  My computer becomes “that warm thing” the cats curl up around on the bed.

Speaking of the cats, that reminds me…

This is a mostly empty corner of the livingroom allotted for the sole purpose of an old cat bed. 

This is where the cats choose to sleep:

 

Two prefers the ottoman.  Two has also gotten a little pudgy over the winter and doesn’t fit in the corner-cat-bed. Any bigger, and I’m gonna start calling him “Three.”

 

Sidney, when she’s not sleeping on the table under the lamp, snoozes on a kitchen chair.

 

Fanny prefers keeping an eye on the knives.

There’s a fourth cat, Puffy, who enjoys spending his time napping in the driveway.

In other words… No cats in the cat bed.  Ever.

This?

This is a mission oak style corner desk I found at Target.com this afternoon.  Not only does match the rest of the furniture in the livingroom, but it fits snugly in that empty corner by the window. I wouldn’t have to keep my coffee on the floor beside the bed, running the risk of forgetting it’s there and knocking it over every time I get up.  There’s a cute little drawer where I could neatly keep all the little scraps of paper I write blog ideas on throughout the day, and I can just picture my file box on one of those shelves underneath.

Not to mention, I wouldn’t spend hours a night sequestered in the bedroom like some Phantom-Of-The-Suburbs style shut-in.

I mean, I’m just sayin…

Diet Pills, Bad Tattoos, Poop-Story Wednesday (?), and A Blind Item

A Collection Of Random Stuff From This Week That Didn’t Merit An Entire Blog Each…

• Appetite Suppressants, Day One:  Took half of what I was supposed to and still ran around the house like a speed freak.  I think: Perhaps I’ll ease myself into the two-a-time thing as directed  by the bottle.  After the pill wore off, I discovered that Kraft Mac-And-Cheese is even more delicious when you add bacon.

          Diet Pills Day One:  Fail!

Hey, have you ever noticed that it seems to be the people with the most god-awful tattoos that are also the most willing to show them (and every other god-awful bit of ink on their body) to anyone who will look?  Then they’ll go into great detail about all the other horrible tattoos they plan to get before giving you the (home) phone number of their (clearly working from his kitchen table) tattoo artist? I met a guy the other day who should have been wearing a shirt that read: I went to prison and all I got were these lousy tattoos!

… and hepatitis.

What was the deal with Wednesday?  When I came home and settled into my usual post-work blog reading, I found three separate and unrelated stories about poop.

First I laughed my ass off at Steam Me Up Kid with her post: Why Jeff Bridges is not helpful during an anal leakage crisis. 

Then Chicken confirmed for me that I really don’t ever want to get pregnant, with her harrowing tale of a friend’s, um, tail-end with: Not My Poop Story, But Better.

After that I was treated to the knowledge that Walmart’s Great Value Fruity Puffs will turn your poop green, by Cynical Bastard in the middle of his post: A Little Q & A. (I found CB by trolling the “Next Blog” option Tuesday evening.  Ya know, out of every 20 blogs out there I’m gonna say maybe seven of them are actually readable. This was one of them.)

Seriously, guys, next time there’s a theme day like that, let me know.  I’ll tell you all the story of the time I found myself in a Burger King bathroom stall begging the old homeless woman who was bathing (and muttering to) herself in the sink to pass me a bit of toilet paper.  Or a hand towel.  Or the front page of that day’s newspaper. Or one of the small furry creatures that I’m pretty sure she was keeping in her cart. 

I would have given her every dollar and cent in my wallet, as well as my ATM pin code that day.

Ah, I miss life in the big city…

• Appetite Suppressants, Day Two:  I bet the pills will work better if I don’t forget them on the table next to my bed.

Blind Item (Something that ran through my mind this week that I couldn’t say out loud for the sake of not getting smacked):  Golly, if you didn’t bleach the shit out of your hair every four weeks faithfully, you wouldn’t have a bail of hay atop your head…

• Appetite Suppressants, Day Three:  Do NOT!  Take!  With Coffee!!!

And, finally, have I mentioned how much I L.O.V.E. Windows Live Writer?  See how you’re reading this blog on Friday afternoon while I should conceivably be at work?  Well that’s ‘cuz I wrote it Wednesday night and set the program to post it for me!  Oh yeah, I’ve been doing it all week (except when something didn’t post properly on Thursday).  I’m like three blogs ahead of myself now, so no more forced un-funny posts that I scribbled off in 20 minutes.  Now I can take my time, edit, rework and polish.

Also, I’m taking the weekends off from posting.  I’ve noticed that traffic goes way, way down on Saturdays and Sundays, so I’m going to use those days to work on the next week’s blogs.

I’ve got them all set to post at noon on weekdays.  I figure, if you’re eating a sandwich or a cup-o-noodles at your desk, you’ll want something to read.  Perhaps you could be a dear and pass the link to your other cup-o-noodles office mates?  I’m a total attention-whore, I know.