Amish in the Swampy

The irony of having spent $800.00 on a shiny new flat screen tv with all the technological fixin's just to find myself glued to old episodes of Sanford and Son and All In The Family on my mornings off does not elude me.  Generally, by the time Good Times comes on (Dine-OH-Mite!) I've mustered up the motivation to start our laundry.  However, it rained here for a straight week, which-- if I'm understanding it properly-- caused the water table in our neighborhood to rise.  I've been advised not to do the washing until it recedes.  I have no idea what a water table is, but I think it has something to do with the Medieval Style moat that formed in our somewhat sunken front sidewalk.


It won't be long before the crocs take up residence in there, I'm sure.

I know what you're thinking: A day off from laundry? Horray! But no.  My favorite jeans are somewhere in that pile and I was hoping to get in some face time with the cashier at Williams-Sonoma today (Yes, I have favorite shopping jeans.  You don't?) .  I need to find out how I can get my Pennsylvania Dutch soft pretzels to taste like actual Pennsylvania Dutch soft pretzels before I blow $7.50 on their recepie as well as all the accoutrements one needs to bake such things (I'm pretty sure the secret ingredient is the blood, sweat and tears of horsey-smelling Amish women praying for the lost souls of their obese pretzel mongering clientele).

Last week I declared I would sell my left foot and the shoe on it for a warm Philadelphia soft pretzel, so I can only assume it's some kind of universal serendipity that I found a mix and recipe.  I've been fooled before by Louisiana versions of the foods I hold so dear and crave so badly.  Need I remind anyone of the disappointing cheesesteak debacle of last month?  I stormed back into the place and demanded they remove the name "Philly" from the menu.

Anyway, back to the jeans.  Since it started pouring (AGAIN!) while I was writing this, perhaps I could  toss them out in the back yard with some detergent and do our laundry...  Well... Amish style.

Or I could take them out front and beat them against the backs of those crocodiles in the moat.